Why do we resist positive change?

The 7 biggest anchors keeping you from making an important change

“We remain the same until the discomfort & pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the discomfort & pain required for change.” This quote hit big for me for two reasons. As a healer, I see it all the time with my patients so it must be a common feature of the human condition in our culture. Second, well, I’ve lived it myself. Lets explore it a bit.

We all know that change is often good and always inevitable. It’s what drives our growth and evolution. But even when we know change is necessary, we sometimes resist it. Why is that? At the heart of the issue are what I call "anchors." These mental anchors hold us back, weighing us down with fears and doubts about change.

The 7 biggest anchors that are keeping you from making an important change in your life:

· Fear

· Perfectionism

· Lack of Confidence

· Lack of Motivation

· Lack of Knowledge

· Lack of Self-Belief

· Desire for Immediacy

Fear is the heaviest anchor of all. It often appears when we face something unfamiliar or outside our comfort zone. Fear can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking that crucial first step toward change. Sometimes we stay stuck simply because the comfort of where we are feels safer than the uncertainty of the unknown. This is where the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t” comes into play.

Fear can stem from various sources: the unknown, failure, success, rejection, or embarrassment. When fear sets in, our brains trigger a fight-or-flight response, making it difficult to think clearly and make rational decisions. While fear’s purpose is to protect us, it often becomes an anchor that prevents us from reaching our goals. Change may be intimidating, but it’s also necessary for growth. Facing your fears and shifting your mindset are the keys to breaking free from this anchor.

Perfectionism—another weighty anchor—tells you that you’re not quite ready yet, that you should hold off making any big decisions until you are. But how do you know when you’re “enough”? Striving to do your best is admirable, but when it prevents you from taking action, it can become a form of self-sabotage. I often hear people say they’ll make a change after they gain more knowledge, experience, or confidence, or lose a few pounds.

Perfectionism can lead to analysis paralysis, where overthinking prevents decision-making. For example, someone might spend days trying to choose the perfect color for a new car. This anchor causes people to set unrealistic expectations for themselves. The fear of making a mistake can result in endless procrastination, delaying necessary changes.

Lack of confidence is another tough anchor to release. Many believe they need to be confident before they make a change. But confidence doesn’t come from learning—it comes from doing. Small successes lead to larger victories, and each win builds your confidence. The only way to truly shed this anchor is by daring to try new things.

Lack of motivation—an anchor many people underestimate—can stop change before it even begins. Motivation often stems from a deep desire to improve our health, finances, or careers. Without a strong enough “why,” it’s easy to avoid putting in the effort required for lasting change. The best way to lift this anchor is to get clear on *why* you want to make a change, and let that reason guide you forward.

Sometimes, the anchor isn’t motivation but lack of knowledge. Not knowing where to start or how to proceed can make the status quo seem much easier. Fortunately, in today’s world, nearly anything can be learned. From online courses to books and mentorships, knowledge is more accessible than ever. This anchor can be released if you’re willing to seek out the right resources.

Lack of self-belief is a close cousin to lack of confidence and is equally heavy. This anchor keeps you stuck by convincing you that you’re not worthy or capable of the change you desire. If you don’t believe you can succeed, you’re unlikely to even try. Remember, you’ve already survived and thrived through difficult times. You have what it takes to keep moving forward.

Finally, the desire for immediacy creates the ultimate procrastinator. This one shows up when change doesn’t seem urgent. We often delay making changes because there’s no immediate consequence pushing us forward. If the effects of smoking, for example, were immediate, many people would quit after their first cigarette. But when consequences feel distant, it’s easy to say, “I’ll deal with that later.” To overcome this anchor, you must create urgency around the change you want to make.

Change isn’t easy. It takes effort, time, and perseverance. Identifying your anchors is the first step. Making smaller incremental changes is another helpful strategy. Studies show that we are most likely to make changes when you are pushed slightly out of our comfort zone. So finding the right balance for you is crucial. Lastly, finding a support network for you growth journey is essential. Remember, anchors are lighter when you have hands to help you carry them, so don’t be afraid to ask for help.